By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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