you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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