how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
