I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
