I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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