benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
