I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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