theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
