you would pick up someone in the library
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
