Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
