he shaved USA in his pubs
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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