I heard we made out
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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