I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
