See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
