Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
