is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
