I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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