I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
