A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My pussy is not your playground.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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