So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
FUCK WHALES
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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