Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
