So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
