WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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