the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
