But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
nutella sex= disaster
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
