Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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