Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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