I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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