i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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