Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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