i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
