apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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