you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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