ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
