Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
