did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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