All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
