Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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