dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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