he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
this is an emotional support booty call
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
