yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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