Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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