my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
