I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
time to smoke my breakfast
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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