i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
