Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
