It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
