You don't have asthma, your pregnant
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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