I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
