You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
