I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
