I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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